Flossie:

John having to sack Shirley (after Beefy had 4 pints of Guinness in 20 mins and still bottled it)

"That gig" in St Andrews – Martin falling out of the van, Beefy, Luke and I travelling down the night before,
walking off stage leaving Martin alone, Aileen leaving.

Diane forgetting her viola in Greenock – getting drunk with Rob instead and falling
headfirst over a wall into a garden.

Keith trying to throw Martin through a window in Piccadilly – sleeping in the van in Brixton. Stuffing newspapers down Martin’s greatcoat to keep warm – trying to find somewhere to piss and returning just in time to see the van drive off.

The bedrooms in Bradys – telly that had sound but no picture we still all watched it.

Crazy lady who liked Beefy after Lingfield – huge hash plant growing at the back door.

Beefy in a wee offie in West Lothian when buying a load of beer and cider – we’re in a band, can you tell?

"Can we stop for something to eat Dad?" "F**k you C**t"

Martin and Dougie staying on the pool table all afternoon at Highlanders rally

Cluedo at Alt-na-Main – "Rob, mark your card" licked it and stuck it to his head!

Arriving at Mundole 12 hours before due to play – opening Christmas crackers backstage
and wishing everyone a happy New Year.

Cooking bacon on tinfoil in a lay-by somewhere between Kyle of Lochalsh and Glencoe

Getting directions to somewhere to camp by a copper who tried to sell a guild 12 string.

Pressganging Tony to play drums on Boxing Day, as Keith and Diane were both ill.

Diane getting lost on the way to the studio – getting out of her car randomly and shouting.

T-shirt tennis with the chuckies at the studio

Spending a whole afternoon recording a bicycle

Watching endless pirate videos at the Bottom’s house in Leighton Buzzard

Honesty bar in Gosport. (oops)

Nonsense in other hotel in Gosport resulting in broken doors!

Gavin in Shetland – "Hey lads, Teenwooooooooolf"

Carrying Keith TO a party in Shetland

Fishing in Lerwick harbour – catching a seagull, Beefy loosing a tenner into the harbour.

Bressay hall – Rob’s dirty pants on Martin’s mike, mad scramble to get the last ferry.

Gavin’s whitey in London – Found naked in the bathroom.

Martin getting punched by a naked man at the Highlanders Christmas party.

Sky TV in Livingston – family fun day, not the best gig in the world.

Busking in Inverness, "Fags also accepted" – getting stung by a wasp

Camping in Ullapool – midges, van driving off

Shitting myself in London, giving Beefy the keys to the flat before running back there. Losing mandolins

Police car chase on way to photo shoot.

Trolls (Dumfries) rally – couple shagging at door to marquee.

Sarah clearing marquee with a fart.

The White Hart, Dumfries – Sweaty Bob (owner) and Eddie Shit (punter)

Ballachulish festival – virtually no-one in hall when we went on – hall filled by end of first song.

Turriff – same scenario – no-one came upstairs until they heard the band – Smiley’s Road Rebels

AA man at Dumfries services – first name terms (Thanks Jackie)

Nick at the Carlton Hotel, Forres – massive stomach. Mad wife – had a go at Sarah.

Gogs, Mikey G, Sluggy, Goonz, Seth , Whitey, Kitchey – bike rallies.

Kelso – seething undercurrent of small town violence – punter changing Beefy’s effects while playing

Oban – same seething undercurrent of small town violence.

Waking Diane up with a fart in Ullapool

Bloke in the Neptune who accompanied bands by banging a tin tray on his head.

Crowd pulling the roof down in Carrbridge – exiting by the window

Jonny and Diane not knowing where to sleep in Carrbridge – invading random person’s house
Skye – rubber doll – pipe band – gathering hall – nobody there at start. Piper and drummer invasion – Tongadale gig
– playing in a windowsill – carryout of 36 pints –

Saxon on the telly. Apology written in eyeliner on bogroll to cleaning staff.

Heriot Watt – being asked to turn down, as too loud for Mah-Jong playing gits.


Keith:

Rave in Brixton – "My knees are fine"

Parking in London – tickets, clamped, sitting in the van until the traffic warden appeared

Chasing (in the van) a coachload of teenage girls through the centre of London

Carrying stuff to Covent Garden on the tube

Martin nicking box of beer at Highlander’s Christmas do.

Emptying the bar in the function suite used as a dressing room at the Station Hotel

Nicking the rug from the lift at the Station Hotel to use for drums

Morning after Big Bang – Caroline Place – Broon and a catering tin of hotdogs

Caroline place (in general)

Caroline place after Beefy’s 21st – paddling pool in street

Jonny twatting the wheel brace with a fencepost – trying to get back in time from
London for Progression album launch in Ma’s.


John:

Beefy and John at a Wonderstuff gig in Glasgow. Girl asked if she could go on John’s shoulders and then asked if her mate could go on Beefy’s. "No problem girls" said John. Little did we know her mate was about 16 stone!! John struggling to stand up for laughing at Beefy under weight of monster lady.


Jonny:

Coach down to King Tuts with Other Side and The Dreaming – John’s comedy narration over tannoy.

Whitey appearing briefly at Irvine

"Half a bollock for a tit." Seems like a fair swap.

Sean and Angela’s house in Dundee – freezing every time someone came into the room

Journey back from Arran the first time – 9 hours in a Thunderstorm – Rob’s skitters in the automatic toilet
– door opening all the time – spraying him with shit.

Grand Pleu – Petit Pleu ( Beefy and Flossie had been away for a while)

Cattlegrid – hands in the air

Beefy, Martin and Flossie travelling back from London in 9 hours – making RGU for a pint.

Isle of Wight – Beefy’s Auntie and Uncle – Sunday night in Shanklin – pub going silent when
we walked in. Martin raiding drinks cabinet during the night.

Mark’s Viking thing – Gavin turning up with a groundsheet and some rope, having been told it
was a tent. Jonny too drunk to stand.

Ha Ha, Stamp Collection

Diane, Jonny and Flossie’s Easter study break at the Bothy (with Dave Hardie, and lots of snow
– plus other stuff – mormons in the morning)

"I am the net man, I come to greet you."

The Dugout in Greenock with the fiddle player shouting "The singers a
c**t!!" into his fiddle pickup while the rest of the band do a wee quiet version of Danny boy!

"I've te get up and tak the bairns te school.........Haaarrrd taaaask!" Shetland Undertaker

North nestling Coffee morning.

CARDIFF!! The strangest night in the History of The Lorelei, you REALLY had to be there!

"Nice fish mate!!"

Helping random people with a motorbike into a pub cellar in Covent Garden
and Gav discovering he knew one of the lassies behind the bar and we all got free pints.

Mad one legged dancing bloke at Twa Tams

"Right.. everyone stop I am the police!!" Jonny entering the big tent (with
a big voice) on the first night we ever played a bike rally.

"C'mon Geetah" On entering London for the first time Jonny makes peace with
the locals crossing the road.

Dianne's salad kebab. "It’s just bread and salad!!" What did you expect?

Tam upon entering a club in Brixton and being offered e’s – nah mate my knees are fine thanks.

Gavin in Covent Garden to passing female tourists – what’s it called – Cambuslang hahahaha…..nice tits by the way

Jonny breaking all 4 strings at end of last song in dungeon and being unable to do an encore

On the deck Isle of White ferry jonny seeing moon on one side, walking round the other and seeing they had one on that side as well

Rob, on same night as portaloo having to stop for first skitter at by-pass and having to use pants as loo roll

Stopping at burger van in Tarbert and ordering 21 cheese burgers and 8 hotdogs between 7 people

Diane:

Favourite one (equal with the next one) - seeing the northern lights for my one and only time outside the
garage at Parkhill where we all practised in very early days,

awwww, the stars were always ours.

Equal top - being asked to join the band by Jonny who still hadn’t managed to open his eyes after I’d saved him from being killed by throwing him onto the pavement on Union street in cool rock style . Then carrying him to Ma's after realising I didn’t really know him and didn’t know what to do with him.

Popping my bra with the effort of burping after our wind extravaganza due to ordering about 60 burgers and 2 egg softies after jaunt to Arran.

The "Lorelei Love-in" Me, Jonny and John in Keith’s bed (Keith in the attic),

Post mudd-club trying to make elephant noises before I got dropped off at school in the morning and was late for economics.

Oh and John said he liked Ewan's big sister.....(now his lovely wife)

Freaky kids radio thing at the Lemon Tree, hosted by a guy, clearly on coke, who called us "Loreal"

Swapping instruments for a sound check in Poolewe because we thought no-one was there. Playing "Greed" with me on bass,
Floss on drums and the poor club manager hiding in the background looking concerned.

Playing "I went to the sex shop" in the van. Luke's delighted smug wee face saying "
c**t clippers". Jar of jobbie jam and anal intruder (Beefy!)

Jonny's backing vocals to Donny in the shocking gig at the Neptune where Keith and Martin had been
rolling about the snow fighting, so Flossie sang.

Beefy:

Beefy playing a lunchtime show in the Lemon tree during his lunch break from Asda petrol station and discovering at the end of it he hadn’t plugged in his acoustic.

Picking up hitchikers and Keith asking them "So where were you going?"

Racing The Dawntreaders home from Dundee in equally dodgy vans.

Tam and Beefy chucking 2 guys out of Bradys’ in Brixton because we thought they were trying to nick the gear. Turned out they were residents and were a little upset the next morning.

John living in a porch for 2 years

A measure of how well a band went down in a bar in Southampton was the quality of flat packed items of
furniture that was shouted out by the audience. The Lorelei were credited with the first ever "Knotted pine kitchen unit!!"

Playing on the bill with "My Dog has no Nose" in Oban. Classy!

Conversation at Alt-na-main festival. With 2 band members.
"There are some real good looking women here."
"Yeah, and if you lower your standards there’s heaps more."

Playing squash between sets in Lingfield. We liked to keep fit you know.

Photo with police in Lerwick. Gav was a cheeky monkey.

I am an Indian- you are my squaw! Overheard chat up line of Mr Ross Brockie from out of One God Universe

That's the second pair I've seen tonight! (Beefy declared loudly after entering a bedroom in Shetland)




Gillian Martin:

Neptune Bar (complete with tea tray nutter), Dawntreaders playing, snowing outside. Lorelei all there and really happy cos
they'd got a record deal that day.

First time I went to see the Lorelei was in Caesars Palace where they were playing on a bill with other bands like Cherry Bunker and
The Dawntreaders. Climbed on to top of human pyramid made up of various people like Po, Ewan, etc whilst Lorelei on.
A certain John Martin, spotted me and decided to ask me out. God this is like Simon Bates's Our Tune....

Soundcheck for the Lorelei in the now closed Aberdeen Uni Union. Just about finished when a stripper comes in for
some geezers birthday . Starts to strip and John accompanies her (musically) on drums to be
joined by Jonny and Beefy for full "The Stripper" rendition. She probably quit that night..

When Jonny unofficially moved in with Gillian John and Ewan in Holland Street and after two weeks
we kicked him out he then went 30seconds up the road to Caroline place where he also unofficially lived for a number of weeks

Alan MacLeod:

Flossie pogoing and knocking down the pine ceiling of the Cairn Hotel in Carrbridge

The t**t of an Aussie bouncer displaying his Prince Albert for the crowd

The poor b*stard Venture Scouts having to eat Flossie's catering

Trying on the Police uniforms at Carrbridge station

The Aviemore lads "borrowing" the bikes from Carrbridge nick, the sight of a six foot hippie smoking a joint and
riding a Grifter will remain forever

Bruce and Linda playing drums for Tony at the Station Hotel

Forgetting my boots twice and losing big toenails on both occassions

Finding out why Hastie always had nice women

Drunk guy in Ma's with one eyed look at group round table "Weel, weel, if it isn't Aiberdeen's maist
popular beat combo"

Lindsay Taylor:

Jonny with a fag in his bellybutton

Being at the top of the human pyramid in the Station Hotel with my head hitting the roof

Being told to get down from said pyramid by the bouncer

The stinky yellow van - B441 MRS - RIP - gears like soup but a joy to drive

Beefy cleaning out the yellow van in Stoneywood

Spinning round dancing with everyone at every Lorelei gig I ever went to

The Lorelei playing in someones back garden

Watching The Lorelei's last gig (with Martin) in the Music Hall with Mark Laing and him saying
'everyone should be here to see this'. He was quite upset.

The Lorelei taking over Rachel's flat in Edinburgh

Eating beans on toast on numerous occasions with Jonny in Newburgh. My Mum calling him 'dirty Jonny', but Jonny taking a shine to our shower because it had a great speaker in it on which to play Nothing's Shocking.

Windsurfing with Jonny in Newburgh (he looks fabulous in a wetsuit with long hair)

Going to see The Lorelei in Negotiants in Edinburgh with Rachel Meldrum and spending the entire time they were playing mimicking Beefy's widdly guitar playing, roaring laughing and putting Beefy off. He's now my husband, and I haven't stopped taking the p*ss...

Rob Swan:

After Beefy caught the seagull in Lerwick harbour, it spewed and sh*t all over him trying to get away. After releasing it, him and Paul were covered in puke and poop. Beefy went into his pocket to get a tissue and ended up
with a tenner popping out his pocket and into the harbour. The guys that
weren't fishing and standing looking bored certainly pepped up then.

In Lerwick again, finding out that Keith had went to the same school as me and letting him in on
my mad dog 20/20 stash. That’s why he ended up getting carried to the party!!

Lying inside a fridge after a gig, with the girls from Twat, in Lerwick main street.

Jonnys purple jumper!!! Leading to the comment, "Aye aye Crystal Tipps, where’s Alastair?"

My mum taking Diane into my bedroom and showing her the general mess/fishing rods with bits of worm still
on them and telling me 'You’re not getting to go to anywhere unless you tidy your room!" I was 24!!

My mum (again) making Beefy tidy the van and giving him a row for the mess of it before she would let him set off for London.She also presented him with a stuffed robin - to keep his thrush company! Oops!! Shouldn’t have told her about that!

On the way to the first Highlanders MC bike rally, finding a seriously decomposed KFC which was bought, a while ago, in Leicester square on the van floor. I have never smelt anything like that before and still cowk when I think of it.

Gav introducing us to another "ma wee pal" in the bar after the gig at the Royal Concert Hall at Celtic Connections 1995. His "wee pal" was one Billy Connolly.

Gav`s one eyed purple knicker python. Seeing that of a morning nesting in his Calvin Kleins made me doubt my
sexuality and still terrifies me.

Getting chased over the Trinity Centre by two girls who recognised Jonny.

Me, Beefy and Jonny at Carrbrige, being totally rock 'n roll, emptying various items of the room out the window.
Picking them up and putting them back and taking the stuff out of a tree the next morning before anyone noticed.

The dog dressed as Elvis in Carrbridge nick. I peed myself.

Ault na Main Festival. Having a singalong with punk Dod and his pipes in the cubicles.

Peeing all over Gavin's car door handles for a laugh, forgetting that I was sleeping in the car and had to open
the doors to get in!

Creeping round the kitchen looking for grub in the Tongadale Hotel at 6am with Jonny.
Don’t know why we would be hungry?

"Part time signals, you’re just part time signals!"

Locking a drunken dynamo Dougie Cameron in a wardrobe in Forres.

Breaking his foot the next day whilst playing football in Forres.

Daz at the petrol station in Dundee (usual meeting point of races between Dawntreaders and Lorelei ).
"A copy of Razzle, cup of tea and a Gardeners Weekly please" Yet again, I peed myself.

Jaff:

Here is some random memories from me. I'm sure there is tons more but I don't remember them.
 
Scruffy Murphy's and passing round the hat to get enough beer money for another round of Guinness
(cider for Flossie).
 
Playing in the street outside Scruffy's
 
Being ripped off £30 by a guy outside Scruffy's who fast talked me into handing over cash for some 
smoking material and then losing me in the crowd in Soho.
 
Those silly young girls who spent all their money on shoes and had nowhere to sleep so
we gave them a bed for the night.
 
Beefy being able to drive for hours

Beefy being my guitar hero!
 
Watching the planes landing from Jonny's Ma & Da's house whilst lying
on the floor of their conservatory.
 
Martin's annoying "ehhhhh!"
 
Martin losing so many guitars.
 
Getting up to loads of mischief in hotels we weren't even staying in in central London.
 
Me, Beefy & Jonny lying in bed in Tams Flat and I was reading out something in an article
and instead of saying £1 million I said "0ne pound million". Now Beefy can't look at £1 million
without saying in his head "0ne pound million".
 
It was Jonnys fault that I got drunk so many times - honest.